Best Collection of One-Liner Indian Puns | Funniest Jokes & Wordplay

Enjoy the best collection of one-liner Indian puns that are sure to make you laugh out loud!

1) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.
2) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
3) Children: You spend the first two years of your life teaching them how to walk and talk. The next sixteen? I spent telling them to sit down and shut up.
4) He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
5) My mother never realized the irony in calling me a son of a b*tch.
6) Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
7) I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
8) S*x is not the answer. S*x is the question. “Yes” is the answer.
9) If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
10) To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
11) I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
12) Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
13) We live in a society where pizza gets to your house faster than the police.
14) A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation.
15) I should’ve known it wasn’t going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I’m a Libra and she’s a b*tch.
16) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
17) I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
18) A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
19) I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
20) The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
21) Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
22) Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
23) Crowded elevators smell different from midgets.
24) The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.
25) Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw fish?
26) God must love stupid people. He made SO many including me, hahaha.
27) I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.
28) Fighting for peace is like f*cking for v*rginity.
29) Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are so sexy.
30) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
31) Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
32) Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
33) We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
34) A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
35) Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
36) Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others… whenever they go.
37) I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
38) I don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

39) War does not determine who is right. It defines who is left.
40) Being one in a million in India means that there are 1241 Indians just like you.

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